You put the Q-Tip where??

This is by far the best drunk story I have been around to hear. I of course had to change the names to protect the innocent (or not so much).

My best friend got a new black lab puppy. Cutest little dog...dumb and clumsy. Loved it! She was trying to get him house broke and having a hard time with it. I had passed on the things that had helped me in housebreaking our dogs and they didn't seem to help. She calls one night wanting to know why her dog will never poop outside.
Friend: He will not poop outside. I take him out and he pees and that is it. Then 20 minutes later he goes and poops in the garage.

Me: Trying walking him more often till he poops. I have also heard if you take the poo outside and let him smell it out there it will help.

A few nights later....

Friend: Wendy, this dog still will not pop outside....the guy down the street told me to gently put a q-tip up his butt and it will make him poo. I am scared to do it though.

(Do you know how hard it is not to laugh at this point???)

Me: Well...be gentle...and maybe talk soothing to him while you do it. (Soothing?? Maybe I should have suggested a reach around too??!!)

So she probes the poor puppy in the booty with a Q-tip. It worked!! She did it twice more the next two days and now he would poop outside. Who would have thunk it??

That is not where this blog ends I am afraid.

~~~~~~Warning~~~~ Do not drink anything till you have finished reading from this point on!! I will not be responsible for fluid coming out your nose!!

OK....so good friend is drunk one night. Really really drunk!! She calls and sounds like she is in pain!

Friend: Wendy, I have a problem.
Me: Are you ok?
Friend: No..I have a problem.
Me:ha ha ok...what's the problem
Friend: I'm constipated.

Now right now you all know where this is headed.

Me: You should pick up some stool softeners from the store.
Friend: I did! It's not working!!
Me: You could get an enema at the store.
Friend: Ok..I will call you back.

20 minutes later
Friend: Well I am not longer constipated.
Me: Enema worked?
Friend: Nope....remember the trick with the Q-Tip and the dog?

New Puppy:$300
Laxatives:$5
Telling your friend you stuck a Q-Tip up your butt while drunk: Pricele$$